I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
