How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
