I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
