I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
