i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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