I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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