i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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