Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
