Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
