Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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