I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
