What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
