i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
