thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
