Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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