I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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