did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
