yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
