all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
