last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
