i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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