I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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