I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
