My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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