So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
