i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
