We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize