ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
