The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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