dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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