I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
