the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
