I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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