Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize