Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
