I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
