Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
