That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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