Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
