I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
