My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
