He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
