I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
