yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
