when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
