i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think I am morally bankrupt
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
