Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
