I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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