Your mouth is God's brothel.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize