im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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