She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
