She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
