i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
