A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
