You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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