my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
