Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
