You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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