if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
