Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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