i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
