If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
