Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
