So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
